no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
