Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
