How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
