Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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