Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
