finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
