I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
