I wannas sexs uuuuu
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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