Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
