I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
