drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
