forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
