yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
