Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
