its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
