Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
