how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
