we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
