She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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