I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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