fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
