i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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