We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
