How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
