I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
