Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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