so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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