i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
