can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i now understand why vodka
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
