jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pooping to opera.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
