Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
