Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every concussion has its silver lining
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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