What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
