Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
