I like my sex mixed with concussions.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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