life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
