i just had sex bonerless
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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