half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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