Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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