goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
