I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
