I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
