We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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