I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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