Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
