yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
