Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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