peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
