if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
