I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
